So, you had a sudden cardiac arrest. If you can read this,\nyou are incredibly fortunate. Many survivors have difficulties concentrating,\nas well as remembering, after their sudden cardiac arrest. That makes reading difficult.\nIf you are having trouble reading this, be patient. You may need to re-read\nwhat you\u2019ve already read, and this might be a bit frustrating. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t give up. Keep trying, as it will help re-train your\nbrain and restore your ability to read. It will also help your focus,\nconcentration and memory recover. For now, you might want to sit down with\nsomeone you love or trust and read this together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may be feeling confused and maybe a bit overwhelmed by\nall that\u2019s happened and is happening to you. That\u2019s quite normal and to be\nexpected. If you\u2019re like most survivors, your cardiac arrest was unexpected. It\nprobably hit you without warning and you were likely left with no memory of what\nhappened. It\u2019s a big shock. It affects people in different ways. Just like the\nfirst big event in your life, your birth, you\u2019ve only got the stories that your\nfamily or others told you about what happened and whatever you\u2019ve heard from\nyour doctors. That may make it all seem distant and unreal, as if it happened\nto someone else, which may add to the feelings of confusion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These feelings will lessen and eventually pass. Allow yourself\nthe time to work through any confusion and your questions. You will likely have\nlots of questions. That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may be aware that very few people physically survive a\nsudden cardiac arrest; less than one person of every 10 who have an\nout-of-hospital sudden cardiac arrest survive. What you may now be realizing is\nthat those who do survive often experience some physical, cognitive and\/or emotional\nor psychological challenges afterwards. While some survivors are back to being\nthemselves with few complications, others experience ongoing challenges and often\na roller-coaster ride of emotions. Thankfully, for some, the emotional and\ncognitive issues are transitory and become less of an issue over time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this short pamphlet, some of the cognitive and emotional\nissues that can impact sudden cardiac arrest survivors are described. You may experience\nsome but not others, and perhaps even some that aren\u2019t below. Everyone is different\nand has different reactions. That\u2019s okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The physical issues related to a sudden cardiac arrest and\nrecovery are not described below, such as the painful consequences of\nresuscitation on your ribs, or ICD or heart surgery. Unlike the physical consequences,\nof which physicians are aware and trained to address, the emotional impact is\nrarely discussed or treated. That\u2019s why they are the focus of this pamphlet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a rule, for any item discussed below that you might\nexperience, if it persists for longer than you\u2019re comfortable and you feel it\nis interfering with your happiness or functioning in everyday life, please find\na qualified professional to work with you to alleviate it (e.g., your doctor or\na cardiologist, pharmacist, psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist or other\nspecialist). Find someone with whom you feel comfortable working. And it does\ntake work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also please remember, while you may feel very isolated or\nalone, and that no one can really understand what you\u2019re dealing with, there\nare many other survivors out there feeling the same way or who have felt the\nsame way. You can reach out to them on sudden cardiac arrest survivor groups on\nFacebook or elsewhere at such communities on the internet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Below we\u2019ll describe some potential\nissues sudden cardiac arrest survivors may confront:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some\nsurvivors say they have \u201cbrain fog\u201d. They describe that it\u2019s hard to focus or\nconcentrate on tasks. Sometimes their mind is a beehive of activity and that interferes\nwith their concentration. Some find they are easily distracted, which makes it\nhard to complete tasks or remember what they were just thinking about. Sometimes\nit\u2019s hard to remember what someone just told them — you might find yourself\nstanding in front of the refrigerator not remembering what your spouse asked\nyou to retrieve moments before. Some survivors report it\u2019s a struggle to\nremember the names of people or even common objects. Some find making decisions\na challenge. It\u2019s as if there is something impeding your thinking or getting in\nits way, like a fog. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All this can\nbe very frustrating. It can also be frustrating for others around you,\nespecially if they mistakenly think you\u2019re doing this on purpose or just aren\u2019t\nbothering to cooperate or listen to them. If your mind is ricocheting with too\nmany bouncing thoughts, it\u2019s hard to pay attention and put into memory that\nyour spouse wants you to get the ketchup. It\u2019s not that you forgot, it\u2019s more that\n\u201cketchup\u201d never got put into memory in the first place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why \u201cbrain\nfog\u201d? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Survivors of\na sudden cardiac arrest can experience some level of brain hypoxia, which means\nsome cells in their brain may have died as a result of a lack of oxygen when\ntheir heart stopped pumping effectively. This cell death can be mild or quite\nsevere and impact those parts of the brain concerned with memory and\ndecision-making. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBrain fog\u201d\ncan also be a consequence of the heart surgery, some survivors have, to remedy\nthe cause of their cardiac arrest, especially if their heart was stopped and\nmechanically bypassed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another\ncause relates to the aftereffects of a sudden cardiac arrest, which can be very\npsychologically disruptive; its suddenness and arrival without warning can make\nsome people feel extremely vulnerable and challenge how they thought the world\nwas supposed to work, and this can make concentrating and decision-making\ndifficult. It\u2019s quite hard to focus on anything when you feel your life has\nbeen turned upside down. Finally, some of the medications prescribed for\nwhatever caused your sudden cardiac arrest may impact memory, attention and\ndecision-making (e.g., either directly or indirectly by making you feel sleepy\nor tired). <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Short-term\nmemory issues, such as remembering what you came down the basement to find, can\nimprove yet be persistent \u2013 many survivors find their own strategies to\ncompensate (e.g., making lists and completing tasks immediately, before there\u2019s\nan opportunity to forget or become distracted). Some survivors report losing longer-term\nmemories, such as the week prior to their event or, in other cases, longer\nperiods of time. Whether or not these memories will ever be recovered is\nuncertain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The \u201cbrain fog\u201d issues may become less problematic over time and simply fade away. If you\u2019re not seeing some improvement, after a reasonable amount of time, seek help from a professional, starting with your GP to get a referral to a neurologist to assess your cognitive functioning or a psychologist, social worker or psychiatrist for any psychological or emotional issues or your cardiologist to review your medications.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some survivors\nreport they feel like a different person from that person who entered the\nhospital in cardiac arrest. It\u2019s not only<\/em> that they feel differently<\/em>\nfrom how they felt before, it\u2019s more that they feel they are a different\nperson<\/em>. It\u2019s as if the sudden cardiac arrest re-set, re-booted or shifted their\ncore identity in some fashion. They feel disconnected from who they were before\nthe cardiac arrest. It\u2019s like a form of dissociative amnesia, perhaps as a result\nof the emotional trauma of the event or something neurological. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Many say the\nphenomenon is hard to describe. There just aren\u2019t the words available to\narticulate what they are experiencing. Many don\u2019t share these feelings with their\nloved ones or others because it\u2019s so hard to explain. This can be frustrating\nin of and by itself but more so when people tell you that you look the same as you\nalways have. To the outside world you very well may look the same, but you may\nfeel very alien in your own body and frustrated by their declarations that you\nlook the same. Ironically, you might at the same time be working hard to appear\nas if nothing has changed \u2013 that this sudden cardiac arrest hasn\u2019t really\naffected you \u2013 to mask your feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. You may\nbe supporting the perception that you\u2019re the same as you always were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These feelings appear to dissipate and pass in time as you get\nused to, and comfortable with, who you are and settle into a life routine. You\nmight strongly feel the difference at the beginning of your journey but, in\ntime, forget you had these concerns at all. Talking it out can be helpful, if\nyou are willing and brave enough to try to share how you feel with someone you\ntrust. Write down how you\u2019re feeling in a personal journal; getting your\nfeelings on paper can help you articulate and understand them better. Describing\nhow you feel can reduce the emotional power of those feelings; words written\ndown or on your tablet are often less powerful or threatening than the ideas\nthey describe in your head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because a sudden cardiac arrest is such a singularly personal\nand potentially highly meaningful event, survivors often say that other people\n\u201cjust don\u2019t get it\u201d \u2013 no one can ever understand what they have gone through,\nor are going through, except perhaps other survivors. This may very well be\ntrue, and to be expected after such an event, but it\u2019s unlikely to stop people from\ntrying to understand your experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Most of their interest is related to their genuine empathy\nand concern for you, and their need to express that \u2013 they\u2019re trying to be\nsupportive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Part is related to their own fears and trying to understand\nyour story might help alleviate them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Part is likely some curiosity about death or near-death\nexperiences and gathering any insights you might have. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For your part, you may find all the attention annoying. Maybe\nthe words just aren\u2019t there or you\u2019re not ready to discuss something so\nemotionally raw as your experience. It\u2019s also possible that others \u201cdon\u2019t get\nit\u201d because you\u2019re masking your emotional vulnerability by pretending to be your\nold self. Under those circumstances, it would be hard for them to get it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n At times like this, it might be appropriate and honest to\nsimply state that \u201cI\u2019m finding it very hard to explain, to put words to\u201d or\n\u201cI\u2019m just not ready to do that now\u201d and then promise to get back to them. You\nmight want to start talking about the things you can put words to or are\ncomfortable discussing, like any memory issues or physical changes, if these\napply. The more you talk about it, the less emotional power your experience will\nhave. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Be patient and trust that other people are trying to\nunderstand, and not challenge, you. Stop pretending everything is okay and let\nyourself be vulnerable. You don\u2019t want to alienate or isolate yourself from the\npeople who love you: trust that they\u2019re on your side. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t allow yourself to get defensive or angry; you may feel\nlike you are not yourself, but you can still be civil and loving. Give them a\nchance to understand. Get in touch with other survivors and talk with them;\nthat may help you feel less isolated, more connected with people with shared\nexperiences and give you the language to express how you feel about what you\nexperienced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like a\nlightning strike on a sunny day, a sudden cardiac arrest can challenge or shatter\nyour beliefs. Even without memories of the cardiac arrest, its unpredictability\nmay severely undermine your confidence in how life is supposed to work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n There you were,\non a somewhat stable and perhaps comfortable trajectory in life with a good\ngrasp of how it was going to progress. Now that\u2019s been upended and irrevocably\nchanged. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s how\nsome survivors feel. As a result of the disruption in their life, and lacking a\ncoherent way of explaining it, some begin to question their choices, behaviors\nand truths they hold. For the religious, a sudden cardiac arrest may challenge,\nor strengthen, belief. Religious belief and doctrine may provide an explanation\nfor some survivors wrestling with why they were chosen to face this trial and\nallowed to survive. For others, it may provoke questions and doubt. Either way,\nsurvivors may feel disoriented about their life and life goals. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This disorientation is to be expected after such a traumatic\nexperience. The unpredictability or randomness of this type of cardiac event\ncalls into question many beliefs people might hold, about their decisions, behaviors,\nlifestyle, well-being and future, as well as any spiritual or religious beliefs.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n As your new reality unfolds and there\u2019s a bit more certainty\nin your life, the disorientation will likely fade. As you feel more confident\nin yourself, you\u2019ll find you\u2019ll feel more confident about, and anticipate, your\nfuture. In the meantime, don\u2019t make any major decisions about your life, like quitting\nyour job, leaving your family situation or walking away from your beliefs. While\nyou may feel renewed and charged with a new sense of purpose, you might still\nbe emotionally vulnerable and your decision-making and judgmental abilities compromised.\nThe time for change is after your recovery. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Be patient.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Closely\nrelated to having your worldview and beliefs challenged, and perhaps a\nconsequence of the struggle, some survivors report feeling a need to find meaning\nor a new purpose in their lives after the event. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For some\nsurvivors, extracting some meaning<\/strong> from the event is very important,\nperhaps because possessing meaning would make it appear less random and more\nunderstandable and controllable. Some wonder why they were chosen to experience\na sudden cardiac arrest and why they were chosen to beat the odds and survive. The\nevent becomes a cryptic message or cipher that is theirs to solve. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The search\nfor meaning from the event, or a non-medical explanation for \u201cwhy did I die\u201d or\n\u201cwhy did I survive\u201d, may become a very consuming solitary journey. As you focus\nyour attention inwards, you may begin to neglect your external relationships\nand obligations and end up isolating yourself. Those closest to you may not\nunderstand your fervor for meaning and be a little less engaged in joining you\nin pursuing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some survivors\nfeel a personal drive, or impetus from others in their social networks or from\ntheir religious beliefs, to find some new purpose<\/strong> after their survival.\nSome say they\u2019ve been given a second chance, either by design or by luck or\ncircumstance, through their survival. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The former\nsurvivors may feel a need to acknowledge or repay the \u201cblessing\u201d of survival by\nseeking new purpose commensurate with their gift of life. This post-arrest\npurpose must be beyond the mundane and be significantly meaningful, which may\npose challenges as the goal might be difficult to define and therefore very\nhard to achieve. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The latter\nsurvivors may see their survival more as an opportunity for change or to do\nsome things differently. This might be easier to accomplish as the goals could\nrange from the practical, \u201cI will quit smoking\u201d to the more philosophical, \u201cI\u2019m\ngoing to appreciate each day\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Other\nsurvivors discover purpose through their own observations of how their lives\nhave already changed in positive ways: \u201cSince my cardiac arrest, I\u2019ve spent\nmore time with my children.\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The search\nfor the meaning and purpose from your sudden cardiac arrest can be very\nfrustrating or wonderfully satisfying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The search\nfor meaning <\/strong>can be productive and potentially made more so with feedback\nand input from your trusted friends and loved ones. Include those most dear to\nyou in your search by asking them to help you on the journey. Try not to let it\nconsume you. Some mysteries are never satisfactorily solved \u2013 that\u2019s why\nthey\u2019re called mysteries. The word \u201cmystery\u201d is derived from the ancient Greek\nword \u201cmyein\u201d which means \u201cto close\u201d. You may find meaning from your cardiac\narrest once you stop actively looking for it. Maybe let meaning find you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The search\nfor purpose<\/strong> can be a very rewarding and healthy process, especially if\nyour goals are well-articulated and achievable in whatever timeframe you\u2019re\ncomfortable. Searching for purpose can also be highly frustrating and\nunfulfilling if your expectations are too high and your goals unclear. Start\nsmall, taste some success and keep going and growing the goal. Define your own\npurpose, rather than what you think others expect of you, after all, it\u2019s your\nsecond chance and not anyone else\u2019s. Some survivors wait for their purpose to show\nitself or find them \u2013 that seems like a reasonable strategy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Helping\nothers, in small or big ways, is an effective path to recovery, as it helps\nfocus your attention outwardly instead of inwardly and on your own struggles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whether because\nof the unlikely odds of surviving a sudden cardiac arrest, or the singularly\npersonal nature of the experience and its trauma, some sudden cardiac arrest\nsurvivors can become self-focussed and self-absorbed, and become hyper-sensitive\nto how others are treating and reacting to them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You may feel\nalone or isolated because you feel no one really understands your experience.\nPeople may treat you as if nothing has changed, which might increase your sense\nof isolation. At the same time, you may be wrestling with existential\nquestions, such as \u201cwhy me?\u201d and \u201cwhat now?\u201d. All this, in addition to the fact\nthat you might be physically isolated at home for a period, might focus your\nattention inwardly, on yourself and your circumstances. You might find yourself\ndoing a lot of self-reflection and paying less attention to important others in\nyour life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As well, as\na product of surviving such an event, you may feel unique or even special \u2013\nafter all, you beat the odds of surviving an out-of-hospital sudden cardiac\narrest. Combined with all the attention you may have received from others for\nyour survival, it may be hard not to feel somewhat special. These feelings of\nspecialness can take many forms among survivors of a sudden cardiac arrest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors may feel they were lucky, or in the right place at the right time, to\nhave been resuscitated or to have survived. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some may\nfeel they have returned from being dead or from visiting \u201cthe other side\u201d (e.g.,\na near-death experience or NDE) and, for some, this confers upon them a very\nspecial spiritual or religious status. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Others may\nfeel \u201cblessed\u201d or that they were singled out by a divine power, given a second\nchance, either because of their inherent goodness, to fulfil some divine\npurpose or for some reason yet to be discovered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And others\nmay feel they didn\u2019t deserve to have a sudden cardiac arrest, after the\nexemplary life they\u2019d lived. <\/p>\n\n\n\n These\nfeelings of specialness, if they go too far, may become a lens of\nself-centredness or superiority \u2013 you may unwittingly begin to make everything all\nabout you, at the expense of your family and friends. You may begin to feel\ndeserving of being the centre of attention. You may even come to think that,\ncompared to your experience of dying and returning, others\u2019 life events and\nconcerns are somewhat trivial or petty. You may become very sensitive to how\npeople are responding to you and question whether they\u2019re treating you with\nappropriate amount of gravitas, given the meaning you have assigned your experience.\nLacking a verbal filter, you might tell your spouse his\/her everyday concerns\npale in comparison with what you\u2019ve been through. Self-pity is at the other end\nof the specialness rainbow \u2013 feeling sorry for oneself or unfairly punished for\nhaving a sudden cardiac arrest. You may even begin to welcome a certain amount\nof others\u2019 pity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Over 350,000\npeople in the United States annually experience an out-of-hospital sudden cardiac\narrest. In that context, the question \u201cwhy me?\u201d is a highly emotional response,\nnot a rational one, and seems like a product of inflated self-importance. And\neach year some 35,000 survive, against the same low odds we faced, so any\nspecialness we grant ourselves gets diluted each year as more survivors join\nour ranks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As\nsurvivors, our psychological isolation and the personal meaning we ascribe to\nour cardiac arrest may necessarily focus our attention inwardly, on ourselves. That,\nand our survival and the attention it receives, may have us feeling special or\neven superior. It\u2019s okay, even healthy, to feel unique and special but not when\nit comes at expense of our relationships with others. Try to be aware of your\nbehavior and your thoughts. If you might feel emotionally isolated, talk to\nsomeone: someone you feel comfortable talking to, like another survivor or\ntrusted friend, or a therapist. Don\u2019t allow yourself to become physically\nisolated: get outside and among people. Listen to others and enquire about\ntheir lives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The irony is\nthat the more you focus on the others in your life, particularly in helping\nothers, the faster you will recover. Get outside of yourself and focus your\nattention on the people who care about you. That\u2019s a good step to recovery. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Survivors report\nfeelings of loss and grief. For some, the sudden cardiac arrest and its\nconsequences mean a temporary absence from work or a different job at work or\neven the loss of employment altogether. Work is often more than simply a source\nof income. Losing a job can also mean a loss of identity, purpose and power.\nFeelings of loss may also come from not being permitted to drive the car,\nenjoying the foods or drink you like, reading or other activities requiring\nconcentration, or participating in the sports or other activities that brought\nyou joy. Feelings of loss may arise from a lack of competence or confidence\nsome survivors have in themselves, or their body, after such a sudden and\nunexpected let-down. Feelings of loss may come from the stark reminder that\ndeath is a fact of life, something they narrowly avoided for the time being.\nYou might simply experience the loss of normalcy that you took for granted for\nso many years. You may grieve or mourn the loss of your former self or former\nlife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These feelings of loss and even grief are to be expected.\nThere\u2019s no avoiding loss as a result of a sudden cardiac arrest, even if you\ncan dig out some nuggets of growth (and it\u2019s certainly possible you can!). For\nsome, these feelings can lead to sadness or anger, but for many they\u2019re slowly\nwashed away with life\u2019s constant current. Life has a way of distracting us from\nourselves. As you adapt to your new life, you\u2019ll gain a new perspective and\nconfidence, and the loss becomes a memory. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Talk your feelings out with someone you trust. Recognize the\nthoughts you have that sabotage your confidence and undermine your happiness. Persistent\nfeelings of loss might be a sign of depression. If the feelings of loss or\ngrief persist and interfere with your life, seek professional help. Cognitive\nbehavioral therapy (CBT), for example, offers approaches to help manage\nunwelcome thoughts and your reactions to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors share that their sense of their own value or worth as a person was profoundly\nand negatively affected by the sudden cardiac arrest and its consequences. They\nmay feel that their heart or body let them down and failed them. At the same\ntime, they may feel they\u2019ve<\/em>failed, and begin to lose trust and\nconfidence in themselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A cardiac\narrest is a sucker punch to the ego. Combined with accumulated feelings of loss\nand the changes in self-confidence, one\u2019s self-esteem and self-worth can also suffer.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n You may find\nyourself quite sensitive to what you perceive to be criticism. It may be that\nyou are misperceiving criticism for something more benign because you\u2019re\nfeeling poorly about yourself and emotionally vulnerable. Feeling physically compromised\nand less like the strong competent person you once were, you may perceive\ncriticism where there isn\u2019t any, or even look for it. If left unchecked, you\nmay begin to resent or alienate the people you love as you misperceive their observations\nor comments as criticism. This will compound the feeling that no one \u201cgets it\u201d\nor can understand what you\u2019re going through and lead to a self-fulfilling\nprophecy as people stop trying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Cardiac rehab, if available, can be a productive way to gain\nconfidence in your heart\u2019s ability to work properly. As you regain confidence\nin your heart, you\u2019ll also gain confidence in yourself. Some rehab programs\noffer stress relief techniques and other benefits. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As your heart and body recover, and your life begins to\nbecome more routine, you may not notice how much your confidence has been\nrestored and that you feel pretty good about yourself. And that\u2019s too bad\nbecause it\u2019s a good reminder of how far you\u2019ve come and evidence of your\nability to grow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember to look for and celebrate the little advances\ntowards recovery \u2013 being able to walk further, go a day without thinking about\nyour cardiac arrest or just feeling good about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors report that they felt ashamed and embarrassed to have had a sudden\ncardiac arrest. They may shrink each time someone excitedly approaches them\nsaying \u201cI heard you had a sudden cardiac arrest! Wow!\u201d. All this attention for\nwhat you might feel was a personal failing, or at least something you had\nnothing to do with, is unwelcome. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Others\u2019 excitement\nmight be understandable but their attention undesirable. Having no memory of\nthe event and no foreknowledge of it, you might feel little ownership over it.\nThe attention, you might think, is misplaced, and the focus on you is just\nembarrassing. \u201cI had nothing to do with it!\u201d you might scream inside your head.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shame and\nembarrassment can also be related to the feelings of loss. The sudden cardiac\narrest can precipitate an emotional cascade of tragic losses: status, income,\nidentity and sometimes relationships. Such losses can provoke feelings of\nfailure and shame. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors feel ashamed because their sudden cardiac arrest was caused by\natherosclerosis or a heart attack, and not an inherited arrhythmia or\nstructural heart issue. They may fear others will sit in judgment of them for the\nlifestyle choices commonly associated with coronary artery disease (i.e., smoking,\npoor diet, no exercise, weak self-control), whether true or not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you feel some shame or embarrassment, you\u2019ll likely not\nwant to talk about your experience. That might be very difficult to avoid yet\nthe more times you\u2019re faced with it, the easier and more commonplace telling\nyour story will become. And you\u2019ll get over being embarrassed. Among a group of\n100 people with the same predisposing conditions, medical science really\ndoesn\u2019t understand why one will have a sudden cardiac arrest and the others\nwon\u2019t. Talk about your feelings with someone you trust and\/or write them down.\nIn time, these feelings will pass like many of the others, as you re-build your\nconfidence and competence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Related to\nthe feelings of loss and the disruption of beliefs, another potential\nconsequence is anger and\/or sadness. For some survivors, there is a significant\namount of loss related to the cardiac arrest: loss of a way of life, work,\nincome, identity, self-confidence and self-worth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The grief\nfrom the loss can be directed outwards, as anger or intolerance at others, or\ninwards, as sadness or depression. The more significant the source of loss is\nto your core identity, the greater the feelings of loss and consequent feelings\nof grief, anger or sadness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors report being less tolerant of others\u2019 foibles or idiosyncrasies. Some\nsurvivors also report being impatient and \u201cquick to temper\u201d. Like some other\nemotional issues, these reactions might be a product of the inward-directed\nfocus of survivors \u2013 the transient selfishness \u2013 and feelings of low\nself-worth. All this might be expressed as impatience, intolerance and anger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Others may\nfeel sad or even depressed. If you are feeling sad to the point that it is\ninterfering with your day-to-day functioning and you\u2019re losing interest in\ndoing the things you like to do, please talk to your doctor; depression is not\nuncommon among survivors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n All these behaviors, if not recognized and checked, can isolate\nyou from those you love. Recognize your feelings of loss and grief. Think about\nhow you\u2019re going to respond, when frustrated, and watch out for the anger in\nyour communications. Reflect and look for sadness within yourself and deal\nappropriately with it \u2013 don\u2019t ignore it and let it fester. Talk to someone\nabout your anger or your sadness and seek out qualified help if you need it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re feeling anger to the point of having difficulty holding\nback from lashing out at or hurting someone, don\u2019t explain away your reaction, get\nhelp immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The loss of verbal filtering or censoring behaviour is a\npotential consequence of a sudden cardiac arrest. Some survivors feel liberated\nfrom checking or censoring their opinions and remarks, after their\ndeath-defying event, and suddenly feel free to \u201ctell it like it is\u201d. Others\nwho\u2019ve experienced some mild or transitory brain injury and may temporarily\nlose this filter. In some cases, impulse control can become an irritating or\neven dangerous behaviour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These behaviors, while perhaps personally liberating and\nexciting, can cause friction in your close relationships and isolate you from\nyour loved ones. What seems refreshing or funny to you might feel quite\noppressive and self-centred to the ones you love. The people around you may cut\nyou some slack, for a while, but be less forgiving of your self-indulgence and\n-focus as time passes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Look for others\u2019 reactions to your comments and actions as\nyou might not be aware that you\u2019re being caustic or rude, or acting without forethought.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be vigilant about your verbalizations and actions yet be forgiving of your transgressions. Change takes time and work. If your lack of impulse control is putting you or others in danger, seek help from a professional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors feel guilty about being alive, especially in the face of others\u2019 not\nsurviving. It\u2019s as if survival from a sudden cardiac arrest was a zero-sum\ngame: for someone to survive, someone else must die. Some seem to believe that\nif they hadn\u2019t survived, someone else might have. Part of these feelings of\nguilt may be due to survivors\u2019 self-focus and feelings of specialness, as part\nof surviving a cardiac arrest against all odds. As a result, it seems almost\nnatural that they may exaggerate their personal significance and perceive their\nsurvival as somehow deterministic. They may wonder if some selection is\noccurring behind the scenes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some may\njust feel lucky, but somehow undeserving, in the survival lottery. Survivors\u2019\nguilt may be a function of the erosion of self-esteem and self-worth, which\ncontributes to some survivors feeling, at the time, not worthy of being a\nsurvivor. This can especially be evident if they know or read something about\nthe person who didn\u2019t survive and, compared to his\/her virtues, find themselves\nwanting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Survivors\u2019\nguilt isn\u2019t unique to sudden cardiac arrest survivors. It is common in\nsituations where survival is a low probability. It is an emotional response to\nsurviving against the odds, not a function of rational analysis of the facts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some 35,000\npeople survive each year, among the 357,000 who have an out-of-hospital sudden\ncardiac arrest (CDC 2015 statistics), and few of those who do survive escape\nundamaged. Survivor\u2019s guilt tends to overlook the fact that not all survivors\nface a rosy future \u2013 many experience pain and suffering, and cognitive\ndeficits, for years afterwards. Not all survivors feel the same joy at having\nsurvived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These feelings of guilt will typically lessen in time as you\nbegin to feel more involved in the joys and struggles of life. As you are\neventually forced to look outwards, away from yourself, to negotiate with the\nexternal world \u2013 going to work, shopping for groceries, dealing with relatives\nand friends \u2013 your internal ruminations and feelings of guilt will likely fade.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some survivors\u2019 searches for meaning or purpose from their\ncardiac arrest help alleviate these feelings, as their efforts serve to \u201cgive\nback\u201d or compensate for their survival. Helping others might be a great way to\nhelp yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some\nsurvivors feel guilty about the stress and trauma their loved ones experienced\nas part of or due to their sudden cardiac arrest. Some family members may have\nwitnessed the event or participated in the efforts to restore your heart\u2019s\nrhythm. Some may have experienced profound shock. Some may have felt powerless.\nSome may have been told at the hospital that the probability of your survival\nwas very low and that if you did survive, you might be in a vegetative state. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The person\nexperiencing the sudden cardiac arrest isn\u2019t the only person impacted; it\u2019s a\nfamily affair. And it can be traumatic. Even if your loved ones didn\u2019t witness\nyour cardiac arrest, they may have gone through great anguish about whether you\nwould survive and what life will be without you. As well, those closest to you\nmay forced to deal with your emotional affect from the arrest: your self-focus,\nruminations, isolation or whatever. As challenging as this is for you, those\nclosest to you are likely suffering as well. A sudden cardiac arrest can impose\nhuge strains on close relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Feeling guilty won\u2019t help those closest to you if they\u2019re\nsuffering as a result of your sudden cardiac arrest. Talking to them about\ntheir feelings, and what they experienced, will. Telling them that you feel\nguilty about their anguish won\u2019t; it makes the conversation about you, not\nthem, and will only get them to focus on helping you get over your guilt. Get\nthem talking and help them get their emotions out and visible. Be sensitive to\ntheir needs and recognize that they will likely continue to be worried about\nyour well-being for longer than they need to be worried. In time, like you,\nthey will begin to recognize that you are on a path to recovery. If you think\nthey need help, talk gently to them about what you\u2019ve observed that makes you\nfeel that way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Once discharged from the hospital with a treatment plan, it\u2019s\nas if life is expected to continue as it was for sudden cardiac arrest\nsurvivors. You\u2019ve been diagnosed, prescribed medications and\/or had an ICD\n(implanted cardioverter defibrillator) installed and perhaps advised to enrol\nin a cardiac rehab program. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some survivors, for some time after discharge, have a\nheightened sensitivity of physical sensations they would otherwise have never\nrecognized or just ignored, before their cardiac arrest. Bodily pains, heart\npalpitations, shortness of breath and other such symptoms can cause alarm,\noften increasing your heart rate as fear kicks in. As fear grows, the\nphysiological responses to fear kick in, which may the sensations worse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Many survivors feel fatigued or tired after their cardiac\narrest and this can be the result of the cardiac arrest itself or the drugs\nprescribed for whatever caused it (e.g., beta blockers like bisoprolol). Fatigue\ncan also be a symptom of depression, which can result from a sudden cardiac\narrest or the fall out from it. Given the nature of sudden cardiac arrests, symptom\nsensitivity is understandable but will tend to abate in time, as evidence\naccumulates that you are physically on the road to recovery. However, there is\nno downside to contacting your doctor if you are concerned. That\u2019s their job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There may also\nbe sensitivity to the medications prescribed; for some survivors, this is their\nfirst exposure to taking medications. Reading the potential list of side-effects\nof any medication can be eye-opening and frightening, and it\u2019s easy to lose\nsight of the fact that most listed side-effects are extremely rare. The\nprevalence of the side-effects of some medications, statins for example, have\nbeen exaggerated in the media and public imagination to the point of becoming a\npublic health issue \u2013 people prescribed the medication are reducing or stopping\ntheir intake, resulting in unnecessary deaths. If you have concerns about your\nmedications, talk to your doctor (and don\u2019t rely of Dr. Google, or other\nsurvivors\u2019 advice or those posing as medical doctors on the internet). <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re\nfeeling fatigue combined with sadness, and it is getting in the way of your\nusual daily activities, please talk to your physician about it. Depression is\nan illness, just like some of the causes of sudden cardiac arrests are\nillnesses. If treating the cause of sudden cardiac arrest makes sense to you,\nso should treating depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fear of the\nfuture potential of a sudden cardiac arrest is not uncommon among survivors. Depending\non what specifically caused your sudden cardiac arrest, if known (i.e., not \u201cidiopathic\u201d,\nwhich means unknown), your cardiologist or electrophysiologist should be able\nto give you some idea of future likelihood of reoccurrence and how to reduce\nthat probability (e.g., ICD or implanted cardioverter defibrillator, medications,\nbehavioral strategies, exercise and perhaps diet). Cardiac rehab can also build\npersonal confidence in your heart\u2019s ability. Beyond that, as time passes\nwithout an incident, you will gain confidence that future such events are less\nlikely than you once believed. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a good\noption if impinging thoughts of reoccurrence or doom interfere with your\nhappiness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some survivors report feeling highly anxious and sometimes\nexperiencing panic attack (e.g., growing feeling of doom or threat, perspiring,\nhigh heart rate, dizziness), often triggered by some reminder of their sudden\ncardiac arrest, such as hearing the sirens of emergency vehicles. Some have\nbeen diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Talk to your family\ndoctor or a therapist trained to deal with PTSD for help, if you think this is\nhappening to you. There are new and effective treatments for PTSD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some people report they found profound meaning and meaningful\nchange through their sudden cardiac arrest. Others\u2019 ongoing struggles with\ntheir post-cardiac arrest physical, cognitive and psychological conditions\nalmost preclude the time and energy for such reflection. Most, I suspect, fall\nsomewhere in between. There are many roads to recovery: some are shorter and\nsome longer, some arduous and some straightforward. We don\u2019t always get to\nchoose which road we\u2019ll take but we can choose how we\u2019ll travel it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Be patient, find someone to travel with you if you can, and\ntell anyone who\u2019ll listen where you\u2019re hoping to go. Be patient with yourself,\nand with others, on your journey. It may take no time at all or it may take a\ncouple of years to really feel comfortable with yourself again. Keep in mind\nthe wisdom of other sudden cardiac arrest survivors: Your heart will likely\nrecover a lot faster than you will. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Requiem for a Sudden\nCardiac Arrest<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Amid the confusion and chest-thumping blows Then the lights turned back on and time re-started \u00a9 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n The information\nin this pamphlet is imperfect but close to what I wish I had received when I\nwas discharged from the cardiac intensive care unit. Released with a\nprescription for medications, a scheduled follow-up cardiac appointment and the\nconsolation of the social worker after I couldn\u2019t climb a flight of stairs\nwithout stopping and sobbing, no one prepared me for the emotional ordeal waiting\nfor me at home. When my family disappeared to work each morning, I was alone in\nthe line-up for the emotional roller-coaster that is recovery. Early on, I\nsometimes wished the roller-coaster would just leave the tracks with me on it.\nLater I began to anticipate and get used to the steep climbs and dizzying dives,\nboth the scary and exciting parts, and realized I could get off whenever I\nwanted. After all this, I still feel a strange pull toward the haunted house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many of the ideas expressed above come from my observations\nof and reflections on my own response to my sudden cardiac arrest, as well as\nfrom questions, comments and reflections of survivors of sudden cardiac arrest\non Facebook and elsewhere on the internet. Not everything a survivor might experience\nhas been included above; for example, there\u2019s no mention of ICDs (implanted\ncardioverter defibrillators). Some consequences of a sudden cardiac arrest are\ndirectly related to whatever caused the event but what is discussed above is\nintended for all sudden cardiac arrest survivors, regardless of the originating\ncause of their event. If I have offended anyone by what\u2019s not included or what\nhas, I apologize. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I hope this provides some help to future survivors and\ncaregivers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n or What I Wish I’d Been Told When I Was Discharged Introduction So, you had a sudden cardiac arrest. If you can read this, you are incredibly fortunate. Many survivors have difficulties concentrating, as well as remembering, after their sudden cardiac arrest. That makes reading difficult. If you are having trouble reading this, be patient. … [Read more…]<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"entry","1":"post","2":"publish","3":"author-ted","4":"post-202","6":"format-standard","7":"category-uncategorized"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=202"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":206,"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions\/206"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twospeedmousetrap.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}3. “They just don’t get it”<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
4. Worldview Challenges or Disruption<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
5. Meaning, Second Chances and Finding a Purpose<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
6. Self-Centeredness and Specialness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
7. Feelings of Loss<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
8. Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem and Sensitivity to Criticism<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
9. Shame and Embarrassment<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
10. Anger and Sadness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
11. Loss of Verbal Filter and Impulsiveness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
12. Survivor’s Guilt<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
13. Guilt for Family Stress and Trauma<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
14. Symptom Sensitivity<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
15. Fear of the Future<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
16. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Post Script<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
I silently slipped to where nobody knows<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though I returned not the same as when I departed
While I long to go back to where I don\u2019t know
I just stare at the mirror wondering where did I go<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"